2012, Odissea nello strazio.
La nuova manovra del governo Monti sarà quella di Heimlich, per far sputare ai risparmiatori gli ultimi spiccioli andati di traverso. Sarà realizzata la rivoluzione del 730, il cui motto è “La tassazione al potere”. Il discorso di fine anno di Napolitano verrà remixato da David Guetta e pubblicato nell’album “Hit litania dance 2006 – 2012”. Tutte le escort di Berlusconi si ritroveranno davanti Palazzo Grazioli e Villa Certosa per “Occupy Patonza”.
La Chiesa ammetterà di aver avuto sacerdoti colpevoli di pedofilia, ma solo fino al 1980. Per le stragi del sabato sera verranno accusati gli anarchici. Fini, Casini e Rutelli si metteranno d’accordo si chi interpreterà Cossiga, chi Andreotti e chi Moro. La nuova era della Balena bianca sarà inaugurata da una nuova strage di Portella della Ginestra, allestita presso il Teatro Cinque di Cinecittà e presentata da Pippo Baudo.
Veronica Lario vincerà le primarie del centrosinistra. Alessandro Baricco e Fabio Volo scriveranno un libro a quattro mani con la prefazione di Matteo Renzi. Gli italiani medi stringeranno la cinghia e diserteranno le sale con in programma i cinepattoni, De Sica e gli altri passeranno le vacanze di Natale a casa loro proiettando privatamente il primo film girato insieme. Ricorderanno con nostalgia i tempi in cui le tette delle attrici erano senza silicone. BeppeGrillo vincerà le elezioni su Second Life. La Apple lancerà l’IPad3, con schermo sensibile alle papille gustative. Un piatto di carbonara sarà scaricabile da Itunes soli a 0,99 €, 1,99 se la vuoi cucinata da Bono. L’amministratore delegato delle Fsi Moretti subappalterà i treni locali alla Lima. Bossi farà produrre il Risiko versione Padania e questa esisterà perché sul Risiko esiste. “La Casta” di Rizzo e Stella sarà pubblicata in una nuova versione deluxe rilegata in pelle, a un prezzo che solo i Parlamentari potranno permettersi.
Ratzinger si dimetterà da Papa ma Dio respingerà le dimissioni. Cgil, Cisl e Uil si divideranno su quale dei tre ha difeso di più l’articolo 18 e per favorire la crescita economica verranno aboliti direttamente gli operai. Il WWF darà il via alla campagna contro l’estinzione delle Fiat Panda. Minzolini verrà nominato nuovo direttore della Melevisione, Tonio Cartonio passerà al Tg1. Con i tagli alla sanità, Emergency aprirà i primi ospedali sul suolo italiano. Un sosia di Gheddafi prenderà il potere in Libia e uno di Saddam Hussein in Iraq. A causa della crisi economica la terza guerra mondiale verrà combattuta su Call Of Duty. I principali indagati dei più importanti delitti degli ultimi dieci anni, da Garlasco a Erba passando per Avetrana, saranno concorrenti del reality show “Invito a cena con delitto”. Il vincitore verrà scritturato come protagonista della fiction sul delitto di cui è stato accusato. Il figlio di Anna Maria Franzoni verrà cercato da “Chi l’ha visto” perché dopo aver visto il plastico da Vespa, capirà cosa è successo al fratello e scapperà di casa.
I lettori de “Il Giornale” giustificheranno come folle il prossimo che deciderà di sparare a un senegalese e canteranno “le donne non ci vogliono più bene, perché come i neri non abbiamo lungo il pene”. Nessuno dirà che di questi tempi essere razzisti è una follia. E più che democristiani, moriremo fascisti. Gli italiani di buon senso si rifugeranno in Islanda per attendere la fine del mondo come fecero i Killing Joke dieci anni fa. Mai dire Maya.
[…] La nuova manovra del governo Monti sarà quella di Heimlich, per far sputare ai risparmiatori gli ultimi spiccioli andati di traverso. Sarà realizzata la rivoluzione del 730, il cui motto è “La tassazione al potere”. Il discorso di fine anno di Napolitano verrà remixato da David Guetta e pubblicato nell'album “Hit litania dance 2006 – 2012”. Tutte le escort di Berlusconi si ritroveranno davanti Palazzo Grazioli e Villa Certosa per “Occupy Patonza”. La Chiesa ammetterà di aver avuto sacerdoti colpevoli di pedofilia, ma. […] Leggi l'articolo completo su Orizzonte Universitario […]
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